Friends

Title: Hermione’s severe woes
Challenge: Creative Curses, speaking only challenge, Bogart, undergarments,Hermione as Headmistress, Pain in the arse( I tried to but it in the tags but there were a few too many lol)
Characters: Severus Snape and Hermione Granger
Team: The Order
Words 100
Rating: M(to be safe)
AN: This is my attempt to catch up on the other challenges lol. I am sorry if it sounds a little corny but it was all that I could think of.  No real warnings really except Severus is cursing up a storm

All that we can really be grateful for is that this is the last chapter of this drivel. I am in bold. With me, Jack and some guest sporkers: Irene the inflatable alligator, Monty the misogynistic carp, and Mysteria Destinia, the Jack-Sue postulated by rainydaymadness.

I'm not Mysteria Destinia!

Pardon?

I'm her long-lost adopted twin sister Prophesia, raised by Orcs and with a terrible wangsty past which makes me unable to trust men!

O-kay...

Oh, Jack, save me from my own breaking heart!

...

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: Hermione's Harem
Fandom: Harriet Potter
Culprit Author's Name: selenepotter

Full Name (plus titles if any): Hariett Lillian "Hari" Potter, previously the Boy Who Lived, now changed into a girl.
Full Species(es): Gender-switch Sue.
Hair Color (include adjectives): black, long and unmanagable.
Eye Color (include adjectives): "cuter eyes than the other boys", "cute green eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "Her nipples, though now twice as big, were shaped pretty much how they had been when she was a boy. Her breasts had a nice shape and her hips were rounder. Her pubic hair looked pretty much like it had before, except now there wasn't anything projecting out of that bushy mass of black hair. She had to part the hair to get a glimpse of her labia." (Pardon the long quote there.)
Special Possessions (if any): Breasts and a lack of male genitals. Parents, actually. A coral snake. A strap-on.

Annoying Origin: There you have me...
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is one, gender-swapped. Is surrounded by them, mostly gender-swapped. Gets off with Luna when they're both girls. Will eventually join "Herman's" harem. Used to be Ron's girlfriend in at least one parallel universe. Snape hits on her because she looks so like Lily.
Annoying Special Abilities: "Parceltongue", but everyone has that. Gets over being raped by Ron pretty damn quickly. Is "multi-orgasmic". Erotic dances. Can go onto the astral plane after shagging Luna, drag the other characters there, and kinda gets stuck there constantly orgasming at one point.
Other Annoying Traits: Attacks Tonks. Portrays lesbians in a really bad, slutty fashion. "Herm" demands "100 million galleons" for her.

Chapter One (Sporked by Jack and Edmund)
Chapter Two (Sporked by Ariana and Hack)
Chapter Three (Sporked by Siarl and Victoria)
Chapter Four (Sporked by Ariana and Edmund)
Chapter Five (Sporked by Jack and Siarl)
Chapter Six (Sporked by Hack and Victoria)
Chapter Seven (Sporked by Ariana and Siarl)
Chapter Eight (Sporked by Edmund and Victoria)
Chapter Nine (Sporked by Hack and Jack)
Chapter Ten (Sporked by Edmund and Siarl)
Chapter Eleven (Sporked by Ariana and Victoria)
Chapter Twelve (Sporked by Hack and Siarl)
Chapter Thirteen (Sporked by Ariana and Jack)
Chapter Fourteen (Sporked by Edmund and Hack)

Before Jack mutinies, it would probably be best to get going.

*sidling away from Prophesia*

Oh, Jack! Now we can be alone together!

*Starts running*

Erm... if I can get Jack back at some point he might continue sporking with me again. God, I'm glad that one's over and done with. I'm going to go and recover for a bit before returning... adios, amigos!

After a not-so-brief hiatus, I bring you the fifth instalment (of many, unfortunately) of Snape's Baby, the badfic that refuses to die. Joining me on this spork is Adam Clayton, U2's bass player.
I thought this was Bono's job.
Not today. He had to re-record some vocals on the new album, didn't he?
Ah yes, the helium experiment went a little wrong. But we prefer not to talk about that. Let's get on with this, shall we? I made tea, and I think Edge might be coming over with a bottle of bleepka soon, too.

The last chapter is at:
"http://community.livejournal.com/deleterius/3177266.html#cutid1".
There are shiny links back to the previous sporkings and Sue info in there, too! Apologies for the lack of HTML goodness this time - Firefox is getting a little cranky on me.
Bloody technology... This aside, on with the show!

( Read more... )

• ONE | Sporked with Wash (Firefly).
• TWO/THREE | ↑
• FOUR | Sporked with River (Firefly).
• FIVE/SIX | Sporked with Thierry (Original Roleplay Character).

This is the sporking for A Home's chapters seven and eight.

( work, work, work... )

We've recently had a few more openings in our cast at road_ahead, so I wanted to post about them here in case anyone was interested since they're all known in canon and have room to really develop. You can find a complete list here, including new characters and recast information.

Millicent Bulstrode (about to finish her NEWTs, trying to figure out what to do with herself after school, and dealing with a widowed father who has recently started dating again), Penelope Clearwater (trying to find her missing family, figuring out what to do with her life), Anthony Goldstein (about to finish his NEWTs and figuring out what to now), Augusta Longbottom (Neville's gran!), Lucius Malfoy (dealing with life after Voldemort, bonding with his family, and opening a shop), and Zach Smith (finishing NEWTs and figuring out his future). All of these characters have in-game interaction and friends around for playing, so there's no worries about not being able to be active.

road_ahead has been going since mid-October last year, and it's active and wonderful. In-game, the students in Harry's year are preparing for NEWTs, which they're being allowed to take in the next two weeks after a vigorous class schedule to prepare them. The Ministry is finishing up trials and investigations into war-time events, and the world is slowly rebuilding and changing. However, not everyone has changed, and there are still problems and concerns in the world. It's especially a great time for a student Harry's age to come into the game, since there are many things changing in the upcoming weeks for them.

The players are a mixture of new to RP and old pros, which provides a great environment for everyone. The emphasis is on characterization and interaction, so it's a wonderful opportunity to develop a character post-DH in a canon-plausible setting. The game focuses on realism versus crack or simply smut/shipping, which isn't for everyone. The Mods are actively involved, so if you prefer an environment where they aren't, it's not the game for you. The Mods will totally help get you up to speed, as will other players! It's really is an amazing cast, and just a lovely creative environment. The application is here, and just needs to be sent to rarmods@gmail.com once complete. I'm inell1331 on YM and inell13@gmail.com if you have any questions.

Title: I F***ing Do
Team : Order of the Phoenix
Word Count: 100 x 14
Rating: Mature--bad language here. (Well, obviously.)
Challenge: Creative Cursing Challenge
Characters: Hermione/Severus, Toby Snape, Aberforth, the Malfoys, Eileen Snape, Horace Slughorn, Ginny, Luna, Melanie, Peeves and the Grangers
Disclaimer: They're not mine, they're J.K. Rowling's. Alas.
Notes: 23rd installment of "I F***ing Do," a Hissing Harpies round robin. Extra special thanks to all the wonderful and supportive Harpies for their patience and understanding, most especially a_bees_buzz, dickgloucester and duniazade for the feedback. Any remaining errors are purely my fault.

Sadly, my turns have come to an end, and today marks my final installment of the story. I have utmost faith that my talented and stunningly creative fellow Harpies will bring this story to a fabulous conclusion, and I look forward to following the story where they lead. It's been an absolute treat to work with such wonderful writers and lovely people, and I truly hope that all of you readers have enjoyed reading this story as much as we've enjoyed writing it. Thanks to everybody involved!

Previously, on "I F***ing Do"...

All previous entries

( Part 23: Something's Coming )

As IJ is being screwy, I give you the newest part here...

Previous instalments to be found here

( Read more... )

Last day of dentistry today, and I'm thinking that learning parseltongue is easy. All you need is an anaesthetic into the cheek.

Next story: Lord Voldemort and the dentists of doom

Hello all, long time no spork!

I'm not feeling very funny, despite having found a few Harry Potter fics that seem promising spork material. It'd be a shame to let these ones go to waste. They're all quite long and the writing seems ok, even if the ideas made me laugh like a lunatic.

Here are the links and summaries:
Pirates and Wizards
Jack Sparrow is Harry's ancestor. One day he kidnaps Harry, and the rest is problems, pirates, treasures and history.
From what I can make out a gypsy threatens Jack with the loss of his soul unless he goes and helps Harry escape the evil wizard Voldemort who is causing 'serious trouble' as opposed to the other kind. So Jack goes and kidnaps him.
(http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1612347/1/Pirates_and_Wizards)
Claimed by dissidia-and may the spork be with you.

The School is Alive With the Sound of Magic
Hogwarts decides to make a play of 'Moulin Rouge' Liars, bitcas, and matchmakers all have their chance at being stars, but is the play doomed? HH.
Seems to be a songfic taken to the extreme. Harry, Ron and Hermione all get lead parts and, naturally, the romantic leads in the play fall in love in real life. It is listed as a parody, but when the author's note says 'if you think too hard about it you're bound to be unimpressed' it's asking for a sporking.
(http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1047967/1/The_School_Is_Alive_With_The_Sound_Of_Magic)
Claimed by lilypeters. Spork away!

Silk on Steel
I am Lilly Merry Lassana de Orchid, courtesan in training. I belong to Orchid Manor. I live a life some girls and boys dream of and others have nightmares of. The glittering smooth world that I will belong to after I cater to my first client will be my ho
It is meant to finish 'home forever' but I find the original summary much more amusing. It's a Lily and James fic, in case anyone was wondering what connection to canon this has.
(http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2192822/1/Silk_On_Steel)
Claimed by taterbird

I'm off to find myself an amusingly bad oneshot and, hopefully, feel funny enough to spork the hell out of that. And if anyone thinks this needs to be cut, please tell me.

Title: Found
Team Name: Spy for the Death Eaters
Word Count: (100)
Rating: G
Challenge: Hide and Seek
Characters: Hermione/Severus
Authors Notes: I figured if I'm going to meet you guys at Portus that I should probably offer at least one drabble. **iz sheepish**

^oo^ ^oo^ ^oo^

Ebony eyes narrowed as the bell over the shop door jingled. He recognized her immediately; the years had not tamed her rebellious locks nor had they dimmed the light in her eyes which sparkled whenever she discovered yet another source for quenching her insatiable thirst for knowledge.

He ducked behind the curtain, reluctant to risk detection. Coward, he thought, even as he contemplated a Disillusionment charm. To his relief, his clerk pressed forward, eager to assist the witch.

Snape’s reprieve was short-lived. Panic constricted his chest when she smiled sardonically and stated, “It’s imperative I speak with … the proprietor.”

Title: Subjugation (Link is not in anyway safe for work)
Author: Ravenkiss

I now present the second part of the sporking that will no doubtfully steal both my soul and my sanity. Now for the sporkers for today:

Solid Snake: i think this metal gear is a pretty cool guy, eh hides in boxes and doesn’t afraid of anything. He’s mulletastic.

Octacon: he peed like a million gallons of piss everywhere. He and Snake are just friends, no really they are.

Raiden: it’s pronounced “rye-den”, not “ray-den” damn you, Mortal Kombat. He’s that Replacement Scrappy everyone hates.

Title: The Pelegrin's Road
Challenge: ?
Team: Spying for Luminescent Avians
Rating: G
Wd.Ct.: 100
Char.s: Snape, Hermione
A/N: I was feeling somewhat lyrical last night… and was inspired by 'The Silk Road' by Sirens' Song. (Gorgeous song, btb.)

~~~

The man had left England a pale wraith, bruise-like shadows beneath his eyes. He returned with skin weathered a sturdy brown from sun and wind. He'd sought out the Brahmins of India and mourned the destruction of the Bamiyan Buddhas. Nomads had welcomed him; he'd learnt to ride and survive months of never-ending wind.

He'd marvelled at the Great Wall, built without magic. A tiny old Yezo woman had shown him the poignant beauty of autumn leaves.

And he'd returned. "Hermione," he greeted the woman who opened the door.

She merely cried on his shoulder as he gathered her close.

♥ The work situation hasn't changed. I've had several 'thanks but no thanks' letters, an interview that went nowhere, and even less things lately that I'm qualified to apply for. The whole trying to stay positive thing faded a couple of months ago, and now I'm wondering WTF is wrong with me that I can't even get interviews for basic type jobs I've tried for just to get some income while looking for something more full-time/similar to what I've been doing, much less why I have good interviews that just go nowhere. Bah all around.
♥ Portus is next week. Wow. Since it's very unlikely that I'll find a job between now and next Thursday, it looks like I might be around for Thurs-Sat of Portus. If you're going and want to get together, send me an email and I'll give you my cell number. I'd like to know that I'm meeting someone the first time I go cause, yeah, nervous. Heh.
♥ The auction at livelongnmarry is really amazing. Tons of things offered in many, many fandoms. My offer is here should anyone feel like checking it out. Go see some of the other offers, though, cause people like Flora and Heather and Violet and Emiime and so many others have offers up.
♥ We are still seeking Lucius Malfoy at road_ahead. Anyone interested? If so, ping me on YM or email me/comment here for more info. I really hope we find a Lucius soon!
♥ One yay for today is that it's Wednesday, which means an episode of So You Think You Can Dance. Heather has got me totally addicted to the show, even if no one yet has me mad fangirling like some from Season 3. Still, I saw a spoiler of sorts about something on tonight's show that has me bouncy.
♥ Still trying to get Ron to talk to me so I can write the RonAThon fic. I keep trying and poking him, but he ignores me. I don't think he likes the general plot, since he'll talk about other stuff, just not this fic. *glares at him and sighs*
♥ How is everyone? I hope y'all are having a good week. For the Americans around, I hope you get a nice long July 4th weekend, and, if you don't, I send you lots of hugs. Heck, hugs to everyone. I have enough to go around. ♥

Hermione Cut Herself, which details all the bad stuff that can happen if a canon character goes emo. Keep reading the chapters, because they get funnier and more ridiculous as they go.

Title: And Ye Shall Find: fifty-two ~ fifty-seven
Challenge: hide & seek
Team: Spying for Ebon-cloakèd Men
Words: 100x6
Rating: PG-13
Char: Snape, Hermione
AN: The earlier bits. Yes, I did write whilst running around the countryside. It's difficult to guess length when you're writing longhand…

~~~~

    The anger died abruptly, leaving her achingly forlorn. There wasn't anything to be done, after all. Dumbledore was already dead. But it was— comforting— to know she might forgive herself a bit.

    Snape remained in his chair, expression remote, staring at nothing. Hermione wondered if— maybe— she saw something of that same lost loneliness there.

    She was nothing if not determined when she chose. Creeping quietly from her bed, she settled on the floor beside him, leaning against his leg, head against his knee. Trying to give some warmth to this isolated man. And trying to find some for herself.

~~~

Title: Eminence Grise
Challenge: Headmistress Hermione
Team: Spying for Luminescent Avians
Words: 100
Rating: PG
Char: Snape, Hermione, Scorpius, random children
AN: Thanks (or blame :-P) for this go to lady_rhian, who asked for more and got me plotting. Cheers!

~~~

    "We shouldn't be doing this." A childish whisper carried clearly through the room. "She'll know."

    "How could she?" another scoffed. "We got wards; she can't know everything. 'Sides, it's only Pixie Dust."

    "True," a voice drawled, a precise match of his grandfather, Lucius's, "and certainly not worth getting detention over. I shouldn't underestimate Her, if I were you. What Headmistress Granger doesn't know, she has ways of finding out. I'm gone." Rustles as young Scorpius removed himself to the dorm.

    He smirked as he passed his 'dead' godfather hidden in the shadows, knowing perfectly well what 'ways' Headmistress Granger-Snape used.